Clothes Make the Man?

Monday was the second day in my Federal career that I wore a suit to work. I actually like wearing a suit from time to time - it makes me feel important. Suits are like a British accents - they give you instant credibility that you didn't earn and probably don't deserve. That's why all of my managers are always so well dressed!

The dress code at FederalEntity is technically Business Casual. In practice, it ranges from "homeless" to "black tie" depending on the individual:

The Politicos - These employees are either politically appointed, they are a staffer for someone who is politically appointed, or they are a high level manager or director who reports directly to someone who is politically appointed. The men always wear suits; the women wear whatever you call those power-pant-suit getups. This group reminds me of the stereotypical 1920's workforce - jackets, ties, and bowler hats.

The Middle-Managers - There are two sectors here - "Risers" and "Dead-Ends". "Risers" are middle-managers who will shortly be promoted to the Politicos level. They are smart and talented and are dressed to impress (always suits) as they climb the ladder. "Dead-Ends" are middle-managers who somehow got their management level jobs through luck, by accident, or simply by sticking around long enough. They have no chance of moving up the ladder any further than they already have. They are clearly in over their heads, so they dress very nicely to try to cover it up (a la my British accent reference). While they may look alike, it's quite easy to tell the difference between "Risers" and "Dead-Ends"... just ask them a work-related question...

The Workers - These are the employees who do the grunt work that makes the government wheels turn ever so slowly. The dress code for this group is business casual – maybe a little more relaxed on Fridays and during the summer. For the most part, the “workers” are trapped in cubicles all day with nobody to impress. If they have an important meeting, they'll snazzy their dress up a little - maybe a tie or something. If they have a REALLY important meeting - a suit. But don't expect them to get dressy more than 3 times per month. There's no reason to "dress to impress" on a daily - most of the workers aren't yet eligible to become managers tenure-wise, so what's the point?

The Gave-Ups - These are the "workers" who have given up on their dreams. They are content with making absurd government salaries and not doing any work. They never have important meetings. They have no chance of advancing to the management level. In essence, they're just showing up to collect their paychecks until they can retire. They wear jeans, sweatshirts, tshirts with weird logos and designs on them, shorts, sandals, burlap sacks...

I'd classify myself as a "worker" (don't laugh!), although my dress standards have steadily declined over the last 2.5 years. I wore a suit on my very first day at FederalEntity - orientation day. I quickly realized that it was absurd and unnecessary. For my first year, I wore khakis and button downs and kept a tie in my desk for emergencies. Eventually, I started wearing jeans on Fridays. Then my coworker Kevin and I embraced the policy of "Casual Footwear Fridays", which allowed us to wear sneakers, sandals, Crocs, etc. Then I started to wear sandals every day during the warm months, and switched from button-downs to short-sleeved polo shirts. Then it was jeans, sandals, and a polo every day - I became a "gave-up". But my new (temporary) job has me hobnobbing with the politicos, so for the time being it's back to dressing respectably. Until summertime, at least, then all bets are off!

UPDATE:
The following was written by a friend who is also a Fed - apparently I missed a category. Thanks for the catch!

"Federal Divas." These are the support staff who, no matter what day of the week, wear their best clubbing outfits and gold hoop earings. They often wear shirts that are too small with ridiculous seaquins and shiny print as well as boots with six inch heals over the bottoms of their bebe jeans (often just a size too small). You never know of it their going to make a copy or drop it like its hot.