Stop! Thief!

Yesterday, my lunch was stolen from the office fridge. This isn't the first time that my lunch has been swiped, and it probably won't be the last. Our office has been plagued (for the last 10 years, so I'm told) by a mysterious refrigerator thief.

After 2.5 years of gathering info on the fridge thief, here's his Modus Operandi.
-The fridge thief does not appear to follow any regular patterns. Sometimes he steals items that have been left in the fridge for a long time. One time, he snagged my coworker Jessie's frozen lasagna only an hour or two after she had put it in the freezer.
-He seems to have strange taste - my boss has had several cups of "Diet-Jello" stolen. The only thing sicker than eating diet Jello is stealing someone else's diet jello and eating it.
-He's totally gross - Another coworker reported that the fridge thief picked all of the pieces of chicken out of her grilled chicken salad leftovers.
-He cooks/eats/disposes of his stolen goods in a different kitchen. I've actually searched the kitchens on other floors and gone cube to cube looking in everyone's trash cans trying to find my missing yogurt cups. To no avail.

The suspects:
- The Cleaning Crew - My boss loves to blame them because there are about 50 of them who wander the halls all day and they don't make much money. This is a possibility, although to my knowledge, nobody has ever seen a cleaning person ruffling through the fridge. They have no excuse to be going through the fridge in the first place, so one incident would be enough evidence to catch them. Plus, this food stealing has been going on for over 10 years, and I doubt any member of the cleaning staff has been here for that long.
- The autistic Photo Copy Boy - People often accuse him because he doesn't "know better". I doubt that it's him, because Photo Copy Boy eats McDonalds for breakfast AND lunch almost every day. No, I am not exaggerating.
- Chuck - Rumor has spread that this guy is the fridge thief. He's just a regular Federal employee who works on my floor. He's been around for a long time, and probably makes $90k a year. He's really nice, but realllllly weird. And he's been caught in two "suspicious" food incidents. One time, a woman caught him eating her yogurt. When confronted, he said that he brings the same kind of yogurt to work, and he thought that it was his (sounds plausible). Another time, he was caught trying to hide an entire tray of donuts in the cabinet beneath the kitchen sink. The donuts were put out for public consumption in the kitchen, and he was trying to hoard them all! Under the sink! Behind an empty coffee maker box! That's just weird.

Chuck has just as many supporters as accusers though. The most common reaction to the allegation is: "Chuck is the nicest guy ever, he could never be the fridge thief!" Yes, I'll admit, he is one of the nicer people I've met. But stealing food (especially Diet Jello!) isn't an act of malice as much as it's an act of weirdness. And boy is Chuck weird.

Yesterday, when my frozen burritos disappeared I swung by Chuck's cube to peek in his trash can for "evidence". I found nothing. So for now, the mystery of the fridge thief lives on!