The Biggest Waste of Time?

There have been three “events” at work in the past few weeks that have been a bit puzzling. I’ve been trying to decide which one is the most pointless, the biggest waste of time, and the most egregious use of taxpayer dollars. It’s a pretty close call:

1. Community Involvement Day! Last month, our office had a “get involved in the community” celebration. Half of our staff went to help at an elementary school; the other half went to clean up a park. These events ran from 8 am to 1 pm (6 hours of free pay!), and I’d venture to say that nobody did any work when they got back. As a taxpayer, I can’t say that I’m happy that so many employees were blatantly not doing their jobs for an entire day and still getting paid. The silver lining: I’ll admit, I had fun cleaning up the park (picking up garbage is more fun than being stuck in the Federal Wasteland).

2. Relaxation Workshop! Imagine 50 government workers sitting around a large conference room table, taking an hour long nap. This was the scene at the relaxation workshop. Another office at my FederalEntity hired an alternative medicine guru to run a meditation program for their employees. There were extra spots so my coworkers and I attended. For the first 10 minutes I couldn’t stop laughing, that’s how ridiculous the scenario was (the guru kept telling us to “relax our genitals”). One guy fell asleep almost immediately and started snoring! After 30 minutes, I too found my Zen place and dozed off for a bit. It was totally relaxing, but I’m not sure if it was a wise investment of taxpayer dollars, especially since this particular seminar was part of a six class series! The silver lining: if I’m ever caught sleeping at my desk, I can just say that I’m “implementing the meditation strategies learned at the relaxation workshop”.

3. Management Retreat! Twice a year, the high level managers get together for 2-3 days to discuss why our office is a sinking ship. The answer, of course, is “bad management”, but they never seem to reach this conclusion... Hmm… The retreat is not held in our building, nor is it held in any of the thousands of hotel conference centers in Washington, DC. Oh no, these are the big time brass, they hold their retreat at a facility that’s a 3 hour drive away. That way, they get to spend the night, they get per diem pay, and they get reimbursed for mileage. And let me tell you, the places they hold these retreats at are more like resorts than hotels! I think I’m more jealous than angry. I want to get paid to sit around all day doing nothing! Oh wait… well… I want to get paid to sit around all day doing nothing at a resort! The silver lining: the management retreat is this week, so it’s been very quiet in my office. No pointless assignments, no unnecessary meetings, just plenty of time for me to implement the skills I learned at the relaxation workshop!